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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2014 9:41:08 GMT
Actually I find a good coat of Autoglym polish at the start of the season then a quick wash with a pressure sprayer after a dirty trip works, but you didn't want to hear it was that easy, did you.
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Post by 747 on Apr 15, 2014 11:05:30 GMT
Soak a cloth and lay it over them to soften them a bit. Then use elbow grease, plenty of it.
Actually, when I think about it, there is a product in a spray bottle funnily enough known as 'Elbow grease'. It is available from Pound Shops etc and my Mrs swears by it. There is nothing harmful in the ingredient list and it cleans anything and everything. bloody marvellous stuff. Give it a try.
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Post by fatwelshbuddha on Apr 15, 2014 11:59:56 GMT
Soak a cloth and lay it over them to soften them a bit. Then use elbow grease, plenty of it.
Actually, when I think about it, there is a product in a spray bottle funnily enough known as 'Elbow grease'. It is available from Pound Shops etc and my Mrs swears by it. There is nothing harmful in the ingredient list and it cleans anything and everything. bloody marvellous stuff. Give it a try. see. SEE. I knew you buggers would come up with something useful(ish) have to say I'm not too keen on using a pressure hose on the m/h panels - don't know why and it's probably irrational but I always think that they will get damaged for some reason.
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Post by Keith on Apr 15, 2014 13:57:49 GMT
As suggested in an earlier post cling film on the windscreen is one option but a recent innovative designed full windscreen transparent 10 pack tear-off strips, as used by F1 racing drivers, is soon to be found for sale at a reasonable price in the Fruitcake Store and this device will be a boon to those who moan about insect debris.
If thought necessary these strips can be removed on the move by your co-pilot/wife/partner/whatever but check with your Insurance company about the legality of doing this possibly dangerous manoeuvre.
Fruitcake store personnel are moving heaven and earth to ensure delivery of these items but your patience may be required as they usually do not sober up until after noon each day. (Closed Bank Holidays, Birthday Celebrations and when they feel like it))
To order the full size windscreen strips for your Motorhome ring ext 1212 and ask for 'The Windscreen Accredited Tear-off Section'. Please give the make, model and year of your vehicle and a member of the TWAT team will attend to your needs – and also supply the ordered items.
May I also suggest the insect splattering problem around the pristine bodywork of the MH could be a thing of the past if you wallpapered the MH each time you go away on holiday. Designs of your choice would mark you out as the type of person to meet and greet or avoid like the Plague. Please do not use too vivid a design when visiting the Continent as this may cause Johnny Foreigner to think you are the archetypical British pansy and the resulting Right Wing paint, or worse, daubing on the wallpaper may cause embarrassment as you pass through Customs on your way back to the UK.
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Post by Miculo on Apr 15, 2014 14:17:20 GMT
I'm bit reluctant to post this alongside so may clever and excellent ideas.
But, why not get the wife to wash them off?
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Post by fatwelshbuddha on Apr 15, 2014 15:16:18 GMT
I'm bit reluctant to post this alongside so may clever and excellent ideas. But, why not get the wife to wash them off? ever tried controlling a rabid dog??? I'd probably stand more chance of cutting my knackers off with a rusty knife without screaming than get her to wash the m/h......
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Post by Miculo on Apr 15, 2014 15:24:24 GMT
Yes, mines the same. If I said, "It's your turn to wash the van" she would probably say, "What's washing the van then". She doesn't even know how to turn the telly on in the van. I've heard it said we you get the behaviour we reward.
I would not be joking if I told you that she had been driving for maybe 10 years before she found out how to put fuel in the car. Me, "I'm just going to the shops for fags". Her, "Take my car and fill it for me please".
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2014 15:48:29 GMT
Hmmm, I'm one of those tiresome people who actually read instruction books before I try to use any equipment. My wife, on the other hand, never reads the manuals.
How is it that she can always tell me how to use these things but doesn't seem to be able to use them herself?
Even stranger, when I gently point out that she's wrong and the manual says to do things the way I am doing them, she's still right.
She's also an expert driver, but only when sitting in the passenger seat.
I've come to the conclusion that wimmin follow Nostradumus' example: if you 'prophesise' ten million things, at least one of them is likely to have happened.
Maybe I should go an have a sex-change, then I'm bound to be right all the time.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2014 16:09:40 GMT
Rainex is very good not only for squashed flies sliding of the glass but brilliant in heavy rain or indeed any rain. I don't use it now only because I drive so slowly, and so little that I am often overtaken by the flies with the odd victory roll from the blue bottles. I am at one with nature albeit a big one who has consumed much of the earths resources down his neck.
Squirt it on the headlights and I have even squirted on the bonnet with some success. But I am not too sure whether it not only takes flies off the bonnet but also the paint.
Today I saw a GO hire motor home in town and a c class parking across three disabled parking spaces at Tescos and having its details taken by a servant of Tesco. Maybe the whole family were disabled.
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Post by fatwelshbuddha on Apr 15, 2014 16:28:20 GMT
Hmmm, I'm one of those tiresome people who actually read instruction books before I try to use any equipment. My wife, on the other hand, never reads the manuals. How is it that she can always tell me how to use these things but doesn't seem to be able to use them herself? Even stranger, when I gently point out that she's wrong and the manual says to do things the way I am doing them, she's still right. She's also an expert driver, but only when sitting in the passenger seat. I've come to the conclusion that wimmin follow Nostradumus' example: if you 'prophesise' ten million things, at least one of them is likely to have happened. Maybe I should go an have a sex-change, then I'm bound to be right all the time. are you sure you're not my doppelganger?? exactly the same here.... Mrs FB is fucking useless when it comes to reading instructions so I end up bailing her out many times. she's one of these people who reads magazines back to front as well. maybe they're just wired up differently.... have to say though that she is a very very good driver - probably more impatient with female drivers than I am as she thinks the majority of them are shit. but then she still has a brain as she's not had kids - I think with most wimmin, their brains get removed at the same time as the 1st little sod pops out of the clunge....
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Post by fatwelshbuddha on Apr 15, 2014 16:49:47 GMT
Rainex is very good not only for squashed flies sliding of the glass but brilliant in heavy rain or indeed any rain. I don't use it now only because I drive so slowly, and so little that I am often overtaken by the flies with the odd victory roll from the blue bottles. I am at one with nature albeit a big one who has consumed much of the earths resources down his neck. Squirt it on the headlights and I have even squirted on the bonnet with some success. But I am not too sure whether it not only takes flies off the bonnet but also the paint. Today I saw a GO hire motor home in town and a c class parking across three disabled parking spaces at Tescos and having its details taken by a servant of Tesco. Maybe the whole family were disabled. ever seen youparklikeacunt.com/ ? and if the bloody board censor does it's work on that - it should read http://youparklikeac u n t.com/ (remove spaces) EDIT - ha fooled the Cock Womble checker..... some cracking shit parking pics on there
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Barry B'stard
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Post by Barry B'stard on Apr 15, 2014 16:57:59 GMT
Rainex is very good not only for squashed flies sliding of the glass but brilliant in heavy rain or indeed any rain. I don't use it now only because I drive so slowly, and so little that I am often overtaken by the flies with the odd victory roll from the blue bottles. I am at one with nature albeit a big one who has consumed much of the earths resources down his neck. Squirt it on the headlights and I have even squirted on the bonnet with some success. But I am not too sure whether it not only takes flies off the bonnet but also the paint. Today I saw a GO hire motor home in town and a c class parking across three disabled parking spaces at Tescos and having its details taken by a servant of Tesco. Maybe the whole family were disabled. ever seen youparklikeacunt.com/ ? and if the bloody board censor does it's work on that - it should read http://youparklikeac u n t.com/ (remove spaces) EDIT - ha fooled the Cock Womble checker..... some cracking shit parking pics on there Budda! Did you write that site as its certainly your style! We had a Cricket once that came to live under our coachbuilt over cab. He came all the way up from the South of France and was still there when we got to Western Brittany. We drove through a massive storm with torrential rain all across Brittany to Dinan and he was still there. I think he was eating the dead flies off the screen and over cab. You could try a few of them! Sadly "Gilbert" as we called him got hammered on Calvados in Normandy and fell off and was never seen again.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2014 17:06:16 GMT
are you sure you're not my doppelganger? Absolutely certain - I don't own a fancy German motorhome that sounds like Hymen (look at the lengths one has to go to to get by Bazza's stupid censor!).
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Post by tugboat on Apr 15, 2014 19:29:58 GMT
I have both red and blue antifouling paint in the garage. I reckon that would cure the fly problem. The van would look so shit, the flies would refuse to have their arseholes associated with it.
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Post by Kaytutt on Apr 15, 2014 20:10:25 GMT
In our house its me that reads the manuals, reformats the computer (when he breaks it), explains how things work in the motorhome and doesnt smash wing mirrors by driving through gaps that are too small He knows how to switch the TV on, turn the volume up, scroll through 8794488613 Sky channels (one by one), he knows how to ask which cupboards the dishes go in despite having lived in the same house with the same kitchen for 8 years, he knows how to lose socks and pants in his drawer because they arent right at the front etc etc But his pièce de résistance? Coming to collect me from a hospital visit 10 miles away from home, he was to ring me when he got to the car park, he didnt ring but got to the ward ranting and raving because he'd tried phoning but his phone wouldn't work. Why wouldn't it work? Well, he'd taken the cordless house phone
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