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Post by Miculo on Jan 29, 2016 10:30:42 GMT
Michael Poortillo?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2016 10:36:41 GMT
Or talk about dog breeds - always a popular subject here - and mention the French breed...
Shites (in general)
Or, more specifically...
Toy Shites Miniature Shites Standard Shites Giant Shites
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Post by Sir Rowley Birkin on Jan 29, 2016 17:09:17 GMT
It's all about rhyming.
With 'shit' you're restricted to 'tit', 'it', 'bit', 'flit', 'git' and so on.
But with 'shite', a whole new world of fun opens up to the poet... 'tight', 'right', 'might', 'flight', etc.
D'you see?
Then if you add in 'p o o' - 'who', 'flew', 'grew' and so on, and the world's the poet's oyster.
Plop plop...
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Post by Sir Rowley Birkin on Jan 29, 2016 17:10:40 GMT
Or talk about dog breeds - always a popular subject here - and mention the French breed... Shites (in general) Or, more specifically... Toy Shites Miniature Shites Standard Shites Giant ShitesTuggles had a giant shite earlier... I wish he hadn't told us about it.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2016 17:29:58 GMT
Or talk about dog breeds - always a popular subject here - and mention the French breed... Shites (in general) Or, more specifically... Toy Shites Miniature Shites Standard Shites Giant ShitesTuggles had a giant shite earlier... I wish he hadn't told us about it. It's all them pasties he eats.
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Post by Miculo on Jan 29, 2016 17:37:11 GMT
I remembered having done it before. I really did.
It was one week day morning after a late night in the pub. I'd got up for work, bloody dying. But being the boss and due to there having been quite a few people from work in the pub the night before it was necessary that I be in work first, as I almost always was.
Went for a crap, didn't even put the kettle on before heading to the bog. Couldn't face tea.
Sitting there having this crap it just seemed to go on for ever. I'd got to thinking if there was a world record max size and all that. I mean how would it be measured. Weight? Length and girth. Who knows? Not me that's for sure.
Anyway after an interminable time it seemed to come to an end. No bang, so properly tapered and all that. What a relief.
I thought I'd have a look, as you do after an outstanding one. I stood up and glanced at it and I suddenly had that feeling. I'd seen this one before, I called out Deja p.o.o. and then fell about laughing. Whatta twat, dying of a fecking hangover and having deja p.o.o
Bet none of the rest of you can claim that?
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Post by Sir Rowley Birkin on Jan 29, 2016 17:53:57 GMT
Many years ago, in Trap 1 at work, someone dropped one that was SO huge it reared up out of the pan and couldn't flush away - it was massive. Guys came from all round the building to view this wonderous beast, It was christened "The Torrey Canyon" (and I think we're all old enough to make the connection). Someone made a little flag with a cocktail stick or toothpick and stuck it in it - and claimed it for England, much as the Falkland Islands were. The cleaners wouldn't deal with it and it was there for days and days. And then the rumours started as to who had dropped it... We never did find out, but their bloomin' arsehole must've been Channel Tunnel proportions. And then it was gone. We were so disappointed.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2016 18:16:13 GMT
Subject normal.
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Post by Kaytutt on Jan 29, 2016 18:34:47 GMT
Standards fall as soon as I turn my back for a day or two
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Joe66
Fruitcake full access member
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Post by Joe66 on Jan 29, 2016 18:39:46 GMT
Standards fall as soon as I turn my back for a day or two You dot back home on then with all that 'wind' from your behind behind you.
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Barry B'stard
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Post by Barry B'stard on Jan 29, 2016 18:41:09 GMT
Standards fall as soon as I turn my back for a day or two At least you got back. We assumed your plane would have be somewhere between here and Russia by now.
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Post by Salomon on Jan 29, 2016 18:49:45 GMT
I have just made it back to Chateau Salomon and discovered I have been told off for being too polite thats certainly a first for me .... you will be pleased to know that our shit boxes are nicely defrosted. They will be emptied into the hole in the garden when he can be bothered, he usually leave them to stew until next time we use the bus. We had intended to slowly make our way home from the Cantal but had to hurry as someome grossly underestimated the size of a goat. And there were 2 of them. Only half of one would fit in the fecking freezer that caused all that trouble a couole of weeks ago. he says we need a bigger one, Arrrrrggggggghhhhhh
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Post by prof20 on Jan 29, 2016 18:53:57 GMT
Many years ago, in Trap 1 at work, someone dropped one that was SO huge it reared up out of the pan and couldn't flush away - it was massive. Guys came from all round the building to view this wonderous beast, It was christened "The Torrey Canyon" (and I think we're all old enough to make the connection). Someone made a little flag with a cocktail stick or toothpick and stuck it in it - and claimed it for England, much as the Falkland Islands were. The cleaners wouldn't deal with it and it was there for days and days. And then the rumours started as to who had dropped it... We never did find out, but their bloomin' arsehole must've been Channel Tunnel proportions. And then it was gone. We were so disappointed. In the nick where I worked for years that sort of beast was dubbed 'The Graf Zeppelin'. Just sayin'.
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Post by Miculo on Jan 29, 2016 19:02:34 GMT
Bet none of you tossers ever had the feeling you'd met same one twice after a gap of several years.
I feel obliged to correct the above. It was very badly worded for two reasons. Firstly I was using my phone to post it so I wasn't bothering about errors or wording because using the phone is just too difficult, secondly I was in the pub abd my next pint was waiting for attention.
It should have read as follows: Bet none of you tossers ever had the feeling you'd encountered a particular turd again after a gap of several years.
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Post by Sir Rowley Birkin on Jan 29, 2016 19:41:23 GMT
Standards fall as soon as I turn my back for a day or two Standards? Standards? WOT Standards?
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