Barry B'stard
Administrator
80%
Posts: 63,721
Type of Motorhome: A great big white one
About you: I like beer, guitar, causing trouble, avoiding work
Likes: 20,539
|
Post by Barry B'stard on Jun 11, 2014 19:41:59 GMT
Just been told that we are illegally parked by the Guardia Civil and will have to move on. The guy was really good about it and told me that I need to leave in the morning as tonight would be OK. The Spanish police seem to be really clamping down on the previously tolerated aires. Should bail be required I might need a Fruitcake to volunteer to be my one phone call...please form an orderly queue! None of us are allowed phones. sorry.
|
|
|
Post by 747 on Jun 11, 2014 19:50:43 GMT
Yeah, what's the worst that can happen?
Their guns are imitation anyway.
|
|
Barry B'stard
Administrator
80%
Posts: 63,721
Type of Motorhome: A great big white one
About you: I like beer, guitar, causing trouble, avoiding work
Likes: 20,539
|
Post by Barry B'stard on Jun 11, 2014 19:59:14 GMT
Just use this phrase next time. Should work "Vete a la mierda grandísimo gilipollas gay. Soy británico y como somos dueños de una tercera parte del mundo, incluyendo gibraltar Ill parque donde carajo me gusta. Ahora lárgate!"
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2014 20:23:02 GMT
At least it's been nice here today, thank the Lord and tomorrow inshallah too. Praise Him. We are just off the D1 12k north of Civray building a new Mosque. The locals are complaining about the prayer calls, the will have to convert of be dealt with harshly, as The Lord requires. Allah Akbar. Having converted I am now on the lookout for a few more wives, maybe. To be honest one is too many at times. Speaking of Allah, I recently spent a couple of nights on the Aire De Behen on the A28 just South of Abbeville. Lovely spot with free water and loos, lots of trees, well segregated from road noise and lorries can't park beside you (a bonus). Weather was beautiful, clear skies and temp in the mid 20s. Whilst I am happy to report that contrary to the advice given by Victorious Books, we were neither robbed nor gassed, but something equally extraordinary did happen during our stay. A Belgian car drew in and three Muslims emerged - a middle aged man in full devout mufiti (shaven upper lip as the Kaddif commands - no doubt he shaves his armpits and groin too), his wife fully happed up in the full zealot's gear (so infidels couldn't get a glimpse of her womanly charms) the regulatory 10 paces behind, and their son (mid 30s). The men discuss the direction of Mecca and decide it it in a specific direction (except the morons point themselves North-West??? though the wife points in the correct direction - East, unless the Saudies have moved it). Natchurley, the men in Islam know best, so they ignore the wummin - well, I think it must have been a wummin in all her burlap etc - and spread their prayer mat on the ground, and begin the midday prayer to Allah ( the wummin joins in, sitting some 10 feet behind, in case they are overcome with lust for her). No sooner had these morons started than the sky turned an ominous shade of dark grey, lightning flashed, thunder roared, and it started to piss stair-rods of rain. The stupid barstewards continued with their nonsense ritual getting more and more like the drowned rats they resembled. Once their obeisances to the almighty Allah ended, the sudden thunder shower did too. The men returned to their car whilst the wummin went into the GENTS toilet, removed various articles of clothing, and proceeded to wash herself in full view of of the truckers etc going into the loo for as piss. Eventually the two Mussulmen notice that the wummin is is the gents, so the elder dispatches the younger to drag her out, which he does even though her head is now fully uncovered and other men, including kaffirs like us, can look on her gorgeous wummanhood and be overcome with lustful thoughts for her (BOKE). She is unceremoniously pushed into the back of the car, the two Mussulmen jump into the front, and they roar off, much to the amusement of the crowd of guys who in full military gear - it was the end of the D-Day Invasion Ceremony 70 Years on - whe were lunching there. This is a true story, badly told. Fucks be to Allah, and all who sail in him. And we are supposed to show these people respect?
|
|
|
Post by Miculo on Jun 11, 2014 20:56:37 GMT
Nice one. Praise be to Allah for providing such amusement.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2014 21:09:33 GMT
Yup, he's a reet canny cove, so he is. As for Mohammed and his 9 year old bride, he's a real scream!
|
|
|
Post by alhod on Jun 12, 2014 5:14:19 GMT
Great story with the issues it raises well expressed. All we ever see in aires are pissing Frenchman!
|
|
|
Post by tugboat on Jun 12, 2014 7:42:51 GMT
You people really know how to live with all this foreign travel and extraordinary experiences of furriners' behaviour.
In the Hebrides, I saw men in supermarkets wearing skirts. I think I need to get out more.
|
|
|
Post by GB584 on Jun 13, 2014 19:28:13 GMT
Well thanks a lot! I have spent the last three days in a small cell with Mustafa Bumsecks a radical terrorist who doesn't mind which port his ship sails into to. We have had a wonderful time...me on the phone trying to contact Fruitcake members and Mustafa (who likes to be called Shirley)trying to woo me with a romantic headlock. Not one of you were home home when I called although I did hear someone snickering on at least two of the calls I made. It all turned out for the best though, Shirly was as it turned out a very generous lover and had a friend called Allan Qa'ida or some such who put up bail for the both of us. There are apparently some free aires he wants me to visit in Jordan and has already given me a mystery gift that I'm not allowed to open until I get back in the UK. It's not much of a mystery though as I can hear it ticking and I'm guessing its a clock that celebrates our time together.
|
|