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Farts.
Mar 31, 2014 16:41:02 GMT
Post by Miculo on Mar 31, 2014 16:41:02 GMT
I laugh at my own farts, Mrs Eb says it's childish. I don't care if it is. I have always been childish. Bloody good job too, Alan.
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Post by fatwelshbuddha on Mar 31, 2014 16:49:43 GMT
my, missus is as childish as me - she's good on the blast front but can't match me on the real ale & curry stink.
as Jack Dee says, farts are God's little bit of fun he left us with amongst the rest of the shit he gave us like religion, war etc
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Barry B'stard
Administrator
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Farts.
Mar 31, 2014 17:18:14 GMT
Post by Barry B'stard on Mar 31, 2014 17:18:14 GMT
Why is it you can stand the smell of our own farts but not anyone elses?
If you really want to kill someone. go drink 10 bottles of Leffe and half a pound of cheese made from raw (unpasturised) milk. A good Brie de Melun is the best. The next morning you should be fit to knock someone down dead within 10 feet.
Newcastle Brown and Double Maxim have a similar effect although I gave up drinking it when I was 16. Bloody vile but it was the only thing we could nick within reach when playing snooker in the Cricket Club when it was officially shut when we were kids and were allowed in to play. The bushes outside are probably still full of empty bottles.
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Farts.
Mar 31, 2014 17:49:04 GMT
Post by Miculo on Mar 31, 2014 17:49:04 GMT
One of my staff was a stinking bastard. The first thing he did at work every morning was walk into our morning meeting and drop one. Loud and stinking. Every morning I told mim it was disgusting.
One morning I had a ripping hangover and he performed as usual. Damned near made me sick. I told him that if he ever did it agin I would vomit on him. The staff all knew I didn't make idle threats and he didn't do it again. I was rather hoping he might, but there we go, Alan.
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Farts.
Mar 31, 2014 18:09:22 GMT
Post by fatwelshbuddha on Mar 31, 2014 18:09:22 GMT
draught Bass straight from a barrel has an effect on my gut - most stinky sulphorous farts known to man.
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Farts.
Mar 31, 2014 18:18:40 GMT
Post by prof20 on Mar 31, 2014 18:18:40 GMT
Loads of 'em over on the Dark Side!
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Farts.
Mar 31, 2014 19:02:34 GMT
Post by 747 on Mar 31, 2014 19:02:34 GMT
draught Bass straight from a barrel has an effect on my gut - most stinky sulphorous farts known to man. I agree that Draught Bass was heaven to drink but devilish when it gasified in the intestinal tract. It was my worst nightmare at 4 am on a Monday morning when I were a lad.
We used to be crammed into the cage at 4 am to go underground on First Shift. Just by chance, the downward velocity of the cage (at manriding speed) was identical to the speed of the fresh air being drawn down the Pit shaft. So ...... if anyone farted as the cage set off, you got it ALL the way down for close to 2,000 feet (or several minutes). And believe me, it happened every Monday after the twats had been on the drink all weekend.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2014 19:23:17 GMT
I think I have grown out of the phase where I laugh every time someone farts but if someone lets loose in a church, particularly during a wedding or funeral, I am uncontrollable jelly.
I used to have to go to church twice every Sunday with my parents and almost every time someone in the aged group seemed to lose control with the effort of standing up, or sitting down.
I got a clip round the ear for giggling but that even made it worse.
And if two went off within minutes of each other, I had to run outside.
Of course now I see it as very immature. I suppose if the Queen farted during her Christmas speech I would laugh.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2014 19:33:39 GMT
I suppose if the Queen farted during her Christmas speech I would laugh. She doesn't fart, she just talks shite!
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Farts.
Mar 31, 2014 19:34:45 GMT
Post by JP on Mar 31, 2014 19:34:45 GMT
One of the problems I am left with after two back operations is no use of the muscle in my left bum cheek so if (when) I have wind I cannot hold it in, it usually happens when I get out of my seat or bend down but at least it gives me an excuse to do it in front of anyone I like, no like I would use it to my advantage to get rid of the mother-in-law :-)
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Farts.
Mar 31, 2014 19:56:30 GMT
Post by fatwelshbuddha on Mar 31, 2014 19:56:30 GMT
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Farts.
Apr 1, 2014 6:34:55 GMT
Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2014 6:34:55 GMT
anyone seen ratemypoo.com? What a load of shit you read.
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Farts.
Apr 1, 2014 8:03:18 GMT
Post by tugboat on Apr 1, 2014 8:03:18 GMT
I remember back when I was first married (that'll be wife No 1 then ) we used to spend Sundays with an old aunty of mine who lived in the same village in Cornwall. After lunch, my aunt would be at the sink washing up and wife and I would dry. My aunt would keep on doing noisy bubbly farts and just carry on as if nothing had happened. Wife and I would be creased up and completely out of control. Such mirth while staying silent could have caused hernias or even heart attacks in folks less healthy. Now I am older myself, I find within half an hour of eating I, too, am trumping away so presumably it's something to do with ageing digestive systems that causes this to happen. Do you lot suffer the same symptoms? I'm glad I live alone and can let rip whenever I feel like it.
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Farts.
Apr 1, 2014 8:19:19 GMT
Post by Kaytutt on Apr 1, 2014 8:19:19 GMT
That is all
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Post by Miculo on Apr 1, 2014 8:19:40 GMT
I always seem to have a ripper on tap first thing in the morning. Never in bed though. Other than that I almost never produce one.
I once let off a world class one in a quiet (and I thought empty) gallery in a Museum, only to find that there were two old ladies hidden behind some exhibition boards. Oops.
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