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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2014 10:41:06 GMT
I would like to add a little trick we used to use in Her Majesty's Mob to discourage shitehawks. Take phosphorus out of smoke floats and mix with pieces of bread. Throw bread out for shitehawks and as they take off, they explode in mid air often leaving the wings intact but independent of the body which tends to disintegrate. This is due to the mix of fluids in their gut. I am sure it would work for rooks or more likely choughs. I was once tempted to make the mother in law a sandwich to a similar recipe above. Oh how I would have laughed to see her tits fly off. P.S Is this Croft thing a meet. If so, can somoene post some pics of the event for those who are frightened to go. quote]I was once tempted to make the mother in law a sandwich to a similar recipe above. Oh how I would have laughed to see her tits fly off.[unquote You're a funny guy, Pusser. Sick, but very funny! So you're suggesting that instead of having my van, car and driveway covered in birdshit, I should aim to have them covered in exploded bird carcasses? Hmmm, I'll have a think about that one. It would be fun though. I was told 2 tricks for seagulls. Get some of that calcium carbide that was used in the old carbide lamps, and put a piece of that in some bread. That makes the buggers explode. Allegedly. The other was to get a fishing rod and cast a piece of fat onto the water, to be guzzled down by a gull. Something about their digestive system makes them reject fat, so it goes straight through them and they are tethered on the line. You can then fly them like a kite. allegedly. The fishing line does work. We used to tie a bit of bread or meat at either end of a 6 foot nylon thread and fling it up in the air. Very often one shitehawk would get one end and another the other end thus, and I truly believe that I have brought two of Gods creatures bound together in a lasting relationship. It did make them fly funny though. (No animals were hurt in the creation of this post. Remember water boarding is worse but we couldn't get the shitehawks to land on the board.)
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Post by Miculo on Apr 25, 2014 11:20:52 GMT
Cruel, yes I can see that. If you just winged one so to speak, it might be in pain whereas when you blow it to bits it's all over in a flash, so to speak again. Humane you might say, almost.
I have much the same attitude to crocodiles, always want to shoot them, for no good reason really, other possibly than that I would be getting them before they got me. Obviously not in a zoo as I could see how that might get me into some bother.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2014 11:26:33 GMT
Now I am older and more mature I love and respect Gods creatures especially those with big tits.
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Post by joe on Apr 25, 2014 11:40:32 GMT
Now I am older and more mature I love and respect Gods creatures especially those with big tits. Obviously you were deprived as a child, all you got was a bottle and a dummy
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Post by fatwelshbuddha on Apr 25, 2014 11:54:22 GMT
I can't possibly post photos. You would see the humbleness of my abode compared to the stately homes that you lot reside in. I know I have 4 bedrooms and 3 bogs, but it sits on a postage stamp and I am conscious of the fact that you have nice driveways to park your top of the range MHs whereas I, poor unworthy fellow that I am, have to park mine across half the front of the house. Oh, woe is me, the shame I have to live with is almost unbearable. pah - I beat you by a bog! 4 beds and 4 bogs here. but I live on a private estate that has a parking restriction covenant that stops all us pikeys, white van drivers, and other ne'er do wells that have vehicles other than cars parking on their own property - but at least it keeps the caravan owners off. so my minibago resides in a storage area of a local campsite about a 5 min drive away. you should see the fucking daggers I get when I do park the 'bago at home before and after trips - you can feel the fucking curtains twitching as soon as I pull into the estate. wankers.
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Post by Miculo on Apr 25, 2014 12:16:20 GMT
Bet they love you calling it "the estate" too.
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Post by tugboat on Apr 25, 2014 12:37:56 GMT
I can't possibly post photos. You would see the humbleness of my abode compared to the stately homes that you lot reside in. I know I have 4 bedrooms and 3 bogs, but it sits on a postage stamp and I am conscious of the fact that you have nice driveways to park your top of the range MHs whereas I, poor unworthy fellow that I am, have to park mine across half the front of the house. Oh, woe is me, the shame I have to live with is almost unbearable. pah - I beat you by a bog! 4 beds and 4 bogs here. but I live on a private estate that has a parking restriction covenant that stops all us pikeys, white van drivers, and other ne'er do wells that have vehicles other than cars parking on their own property - but at least it keeps the caravan owners off. so my minibago resides in a storage area of a local campsite about a 5 min drive away. you should see the fucking daggers I get when I do park the 'bago at home before and after trips - you can feel the fucking curtains twitching as soon as I pull into the estate. wankers. 4 beds and 4 bogs? I bet you're getting clobbered for that 'bedroom tax' if you've refused to downsize. Probably explains why you have to go out busking.
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Post by fatwelshbuddha on Apr 25, 2014 12:44:26 GMT
Bet they love you calling it "the estate" too. probably. some of the fecking eejuts who live there called the grassy area in the middle, the "greensward". wtf?? are they living in Middle Ages?? it's a big manky patch of grass that some of the kids play on much to the disgust of half the arseholes.
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Post by nicholsong on Apr 25, 2014 14:26:08 GMT
I can't possibly post photos. You would see the humbleness of my abode compared to the stately homes that you lot reside in. I know I have 4 bedrooms and 3 bogs, but it sits on a postage stamp and I am conscious of the fact that you have nice driveways to park your top of the range MHs whereas I, poor unworthy fellow that I am, have to park mine across half the front of the house. Oh, woe is me, the shame I have to live with is almost unbearable. Tuggers Stop moaning about your postage stamp - I also (in London) have 4 beds and 3 heads, but you could hardly park a tricycle in the front 'garden' of the house- it is about 18" from bay window to front wall so I, my dear fellow, have to share my parking with the (sshh - keep it quiet) PUBLIC and pay for the privilege (resident's Permit) However, here in Poland, we could have a Fruitcakes Rally in the back yard, without having to rent a Club field. Maybe max 8-10 MHs so it would be invitation only - or maybe I could run an auction for spaces! However, we would be short of a resident guitarist - we could not ask Barry, because I have never seen Leffe on sale here and he would probably run out between Hutton Magna and here!
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Post by Miculo on Apr 25, 2014 15:20:18 GMT
He would probably run out between Hutton Magna and Newsham.
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Barry B'stard
Administrator
80%
Posts: 63,798
Type of Motorhome: A great big white one
About you: I like beer, guitar, causing trouble, avoiding work
Likes: 20,552
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Post by Barry B'stard on Apr 25, 2014 15:55:27 GMT
Cheeky Barstewards! Right Im going to post a Rant thread for that.
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Post by Miculo on Apr 25, 2014 16:23:45 GMT
Go for it Baz.
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Post by 747 on Apr 25, 2014 16:56:13 GMT
Dear Tuggles, I got your pm on MHF. I am on a 30 minute deadline with Travelodge wifi until my dongle is energised by giffgaff. A mobile number would be handy to text you. May leave P'boro Sunday and head West if sunny (but could be East if West is rainy). Will text you but you may have to wait until tomorrows 30 minute window for me to pick up your mobile number.
Regards,
The laughing Gnome.
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Post by Kaytutt on Apr 25, 2014 18:10:12 GMT
3 bedrooms and one bog here, should I hang my head in shame? Or have bathroom envy? Should I shit! I've already got two bedrooms more than I need why why would I want to clean unused bathrooms? Roll on the day when I can give up work, sell my bungalow, buy a nice static caravan as a base and take off in the motorhome at every opportunity Oh and I've got a bit of Tarmac 10ft in front of my ikkle bungalow front garden wot the MH gets parked on
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Barry B'stard
Administrator
80%
Posts: 63,798
Type of Motorhome: A great big white one
About you: I like beer, guitar, causing trouble, avoiding work
Likes: 20,552
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Post by Barry B'stard on Apr 25, 2014 18:19:45 GMT
3 bedrooms and one bog here, should I hang my head in shame? Or have bathroom envy? Should I shit! I've already got two bedrooms more than I need why why would I want to clean unused bathrooms? Roll on the day when I can give up work, sell my bungalow, buy a nice static caravan as a base and take off in the motorhome at every opportunity Oh and I've got a bit of Tarmac 10ft in front of my ikkle bungalow front garden wot the MH gets parked on Dont bother waiting. Just do what I did and bugger off into Europe for months on end without telling anyone and just pretend your still at work. This might not work so well if your in an office every day however. Only one bog here as well. Well in the Gatehouse anyway!
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